Welcome, fellow newbies, and part-time crypto prophets who saw “the signs” in their breakfast cereal. You’ve landed here because you want to know how to evaluate the value of an altcoin — without sacrificing your sanity, life savings, or dignity (okay, maybe just a little dignity).
With altseason sneaking up like that one cousin who only texts when they need money, it’s time to get your brain in gear. Let’s break down how to separate the moonshots from the rug pulls — and have a little fun doing it.
The Fundamentals: No, Not the Emotional Ones
Let’s start with use case. Does this altcoin actually do something? Or is it just the “coin of the people” with a mascot that looks like it came from a rejected Pokémon sketchbook?
Ask yourself:
- What problem does it solve?
- Who actually needs it?
- Could that same problem be solved with, say… a Google Doc and a group chat?
If the whitepaper reads like it was written during a three-day Red Bull bender and the roadmap is just “to the moon” scribbled in Comic Sans, maybe keep walking.
The Team: Who’s Driving This Clown Car?
Behind every great coin is a team that hopefully isn’t:
- Anonymous
- 14 years old
- Still finishing their Naruto fanfic
Check LinkedIn (yes, people still use that), stalk Twitter, read bios. If their entire track record is “once mined Dogecoin in 2014” and “CEO of Vibes,” consider that a 🚩.
Bonus points if they’ve worked in blockchain before. Subtract points if they refer to themselves as a “Web3 guru” or “blockchain visionary” in every sentence.
Tokenomics: Fancy Word, Real Impact
Imagine you’re at a party. There’s one pizza and 5 people. Great, everyone gets a slice.
Now imagine there’s one pizza and 100 billion people. That’s some Dogecoin logic right there.
Look at:
- Total supply vs circulating supply
- Inflation rate (how many new coins are being printed?)
- Burn mechanisms (are they destroying tokens or hoarding them like dragon gold?)
If the tokenomics look like an MLM pyramid made by a math-hating raccoon, run.
Market Cap vs Price: Don’t Let the Cheap Price Fool You, Rookie
“Bro, this coin is only $0.0003! If it hits $1, I’ll be richer than Elon!”
Let me stop you right there, future yacht owner.
The price doesn’t matter as much as market cap. A coin at $0.0003 with a circulating supply of 900 trillion has a better chance of becoming sentient and overthrowing humanity than hitting $1.
Use this formula: Market Cap = Price x Circulating Supply
If the market cap would have to surpass Earth’s GDP for your dreams to come true… sorry champ.
Hype vs Substance: Are You Buying a Dream or a Meme?
Some projects are like Tinder dates: look great on paper, but 30 seconds in and you realize they live with their mom and think “utility” is a conspiracy.
Scan for:
- Real partnerships (not just “We’re thrilled to announce we like Starbucks.”)
- Working products (is there an app or just vibes?)
- Community size vs cult level (enthusiasm is good; sacrificing goats to the devs is not)
Check Telegram or Discord. If everyone there is just repeating “wen moon” and threatening anyone who questions the project — it’s either a red flag or a cult. Possibly both.
DYOR: “Do Your Own Research” (Yes, YOU)
No one wants to hear this. We all want magic signals and a voice from the heavens that says “Buy Shib 2.0.”
But unless you enjoy watching your portfolio cry in seven languages, do your homework:
- Read the whitepaper (or at least skim it and pretend)
- Compare it to competitors
- Check how active the GitHub is (if the last commit was during Obama’s presidency, we have a problem)
DYOR isn’t just a meme — it’s a lifestyle. Like CrossFit, but for your wallet.
Final Tips for Surviving Altseason (with your soul intact):
- FOMO is a liar: It’s that drunk friend who tells you to invest at the top.
- Don’t marry your bags: They won’t love you back.
- Have a plan: Exit strategy, stop-loss, maybe even a therapist.
And remember, in crypto, everything is made up and the gains don’t matter… until they do.
In Conclusion…
Evaluating altcoins doesn’t have to be rocket science — unless the project is actually building rockets, in which case… cool. Just don’t get caught up in the hype without checking under the hood.
So grab your notebook, channel your inner detective, and prepare for altseason like a seasoned pro. Or at least like someone who can spot a rug pull without needing a psychic.
Now go forth, DYOR, and may your bags be heavy (with gains, not regrets).